Missed My Childhood to Play the Parent

Missed My Childhood to Play Parent

Friday, January 4th, 2008 by author1

            My parents would fight almost every day when I was little.  I was afraid of my dad because he drank a lot.  I never knew what he would do to my mom or me or my sisters.  I always felt like he might hit her or one of us.  On those few occasions when he did actually hit one of us kids, I would tell myself we deserved it because we had done something wrong. 

            I was young so I really had no clue what was going on with him.  I just knew he would come home drunk every day, fight with my mom and ruin everything.  I always tried to keep the other kids out of the way.  I would make dinner for them and then take them upstairs to do homework – out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.  The fighting would go on until he eventually fell asleep.  I would hear my mom on the phone with her sister afterwards, she would cry and swear she was going to leave him, but she never did. 

            In the morning, the house would be very quiet.  My mom didn’t get out of bed so I would have to make breakfast, pack lunches and get everybody out the door on time.  All this while trying really hard not to wake up either my mom or dad.   This went on for years.  My dad never did quit drinking and my mom never left him.

             When I grew up, a friend convinced me to go to an Ala-non meeting.  I really didn’t want to go and didn’t think I needed to talk about any of this because my dad was no longer around.  Boy was I wrong, I had a lot to say and a lot of feelings about my having to pick up the slack for my parents. It really did help simply to tell someone else my story.

 Anonymous, Ohio