My Dad
Ever since I can remember, my dad was always drunk. He wasn’t a mean drunk but a little too friendly but thankfully my mom was always around to keep him from getting too friendly with us girls. I’ve been told by my counselor that this is why I have serious men issues. My dad never talked to anyone and we learned to just stay out of his way because he was either drunk or hung-over.
Anyhow, my dad was never, ever a part of anything – I actually don’t have a single memory of him as a little girl other than my mom sending us little kids up to the neighborhood bar to try and make him come home…which, of course, he never did until the middle of the night. We would find him asleep at the kitchen table when we got up to go to school in the morning.
In high school, I never, ever brought friends to my house – I didn’t know then why – but since then I’ve figured out that on some level I was “hiding” my dad from everyone.
Right after I graduated from high school, my best friend’s parents took me and her out to dinner and over dinner, my friend’s mom asked if my dad was alive…..I remember being TOTALLY shocked by this stupid question, of course, my dad was alive. It took a few years to figure that one out but because I had never, ever even mentioned my dad – they assumed he was dead.
Speaking of graduation, that’s a story in itself. I had a lot of scary times with my dad – like the time we found him laying outside in the snow in the middle of winter in Cleveland – he was coming home from the bar late at night and had fallen – I found him along with my sister and we thought he was dead. Anyhow, I have one really sad memory and that was the day of my high school graduation – I worked hard in school – wanting to get good grades. I was Class President much to my surprise because I was pretty quiet and kept to myself. So on graduation day, I got to walk in the procession first and wear a special blue tassel. My dad had said he would come…but he didn’t and all I can remember is seeing him passed out on the couch when I got home. Not sure why, but that one really bums me out still.
I feel sad a lot and I think a lot about how kids should just not have to grow up that way. I realize now that a lot of the time growing up, I was just totally embarrassed and afraid about what would happen to my dad.
-Sally
December 14th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Sally: it’s not just about parents. I was involved with an alcoholic for more than 5 years.
They say the mind is a terrible thing to waste or should I say to waste the mind is bad. When we first got together it was all peaches and cream. And over a spread of six years it turned sour. The drinking started and it gradually got worse, there was no AA, just weekend benders that turned into a disease of the mind. I can’t begin to tell you the bouts of DT’s, the effects of alcohol took its toll on his body. He developed pancreatic cancer; the doctor gave him six months to live. He died in four. He was a hospice patient.”
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I know my dad is an alcoholic and I’ve learned recently that it is truly a “disease”. I am trying to understand what he is going through. I’m learning to deal with having an alcholic parent and not take it out on him or myself. I recently joined Alateen and it has helped me in many ways. I has truly made our relationship much better even though my dad is still drinking almost daily.
March 8th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Sally, I know what it feels like to be let down repeatedly by the people who are supposed to love you the most. I grew up in a home with two alcoholic parents. I lived a double life most of the time. Trying to be “mommy” and a teenage girl at the same time. My parents never showed up for any school related event, it hurt. I always felt undeserving of their attention. All those mistaken beliefs, all the tears, all the lonlieness. I have two children of my own now: a five year old and a two year old, I try my best to make sure they know that they are my world. I try and foster unconditional love-one thing I yearned for but never had. I’m glad to read your experience, thanks.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Well we just returned from our annual spring break vacation – I’m sure many other kids would be jealous of me spending my break in Cancun but I would give anything to just stay behind and not be part of this craziness. My dad drinks a lot at home but usually not so much during the week because he has to get up early to go to work.
Often on weekends, he’s passed out by 6:00 on Saturday and I don’t see much of him because I’m out with my friends. But family vacation is a whole different story – we are all together in adjoining hotel rooms. My dad starts drinking early because he’s says it doesn’t matter when you’re on vacation, by early afternoon he’s getting loud and obnoxious. By dinner, which is always out in a restaurant, he’s totally embarrassing.
He does things like flirts with any cute, young waitress right in front of my mom. I can tell how bad my mom feels, but she just makes a joke or starts a different conversation with us kids. My dad actually got up to go to the bathroom last night at dinner and fell into a table next to us, knocking over their drinks. I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. The guy at the next table said something to my dad about how maybe he should slow down on the Manhattans and my mom got us out of there fast – once again avoiding a total disaster scene.
I hope someday if I ever have kids, I never, ever make them feel this way. The next morning on the beach, I felt like everyone was looking at us and talking about what had happened in the restaurant. I just want to go home. My dad was very quiet the next day, no one ever says anything about these things that happen, we just all keep quiet.
I wish my mom would leave him but I know that would make us sad too – seems like there is no good way out of this.
Karen (Chicago)
May 9th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
It seems my story is very different than many of the ones I am reading on this site. My father was an alcoholic but my mother left him when I was six.
He visited on weekends for the first year or two but after that I never saw much of him. Your story about how you felt embarrassed was very easy to relate to.
I too am embarrassed and never discuss my father. The main reason I do not talk about my situation is because I do not want to be judged or associated to his failings. I am ashamed that he was not able to overcome his drinking to raise his family.
Ever since my father left my family has pretended that it never happened. In many ways this was the easiest way of dealing with it but there many uncomfortable times that I was unable to avoid.
During these times I felt shame. I am unsure why I feel shame for something my father did to my family. In some cases I described my step-father in other cases I lied or changed the subject.
I always found it hard when people who knew my father would ask about him. (Or would talk about what a great guy he was) I wanted to say you know him better than me. In some cases I would run into someone who knew my father growing up and they would say “how is he doing these days” but it would be in a group setting and you don’t want to respond. If you did you would need to say he is drunk by noon everyday and needs to call home for money every once in awhile and has never once paid child support.
Still to this day I do not like talking about it because I am concerned how people will judge me.
They might feel sorry for me…I don’t want that. They may wonder if I have any of these traits.
Overall I think it has made me a much more driven father and family person because I want to do things differently. I am still a very private person and wonder what I am going to tell my children when they get older and start to ask.
Thank you for sharing.
May 20th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
[…] always drunk. … being TOTALLY shocked by this stupid question, of course, my dad was alive. …http://www.shoutinginside.com/2007/12/14/my-dad/boy … is my dad stupid… Archive - SpeedGuide.net Broadband …Archive boy … is my dad […]
June 6th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
my mom, dad, and older sister drink alot sometimes. mostly its my mom and dad. my sis had to go to the hostial one time cause i was worried about her. They said she was drunk and was fine.
June 28th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
my mom and dad when they get drunk it is the worset thing ever!! i never let my friends over at all even on the weekends that is the worset
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:23 pm
my dad is almost the same way. I’ve delt with him drinking for my whole life. it wasn’t as bad when he was with this one girl for 8 years but she hated me. she beat me and everything. when he finally left her he started drinking a lot more. he downs vodka almost every night and when he isn’t drinking that its beer. I really can’t remember the last time he was sober. I feel like its my fault that he does this and I’ve been known to be suicidal. I take a lot of pills for depression and I’ve tried to stop. its all him though as I’ve come to realize. I need help with this.
advice?
August 25th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Hi eve,
In order to direct you to resources to find help, we’ll need to know your age and where you live. Email webmaster@shoutinging.com and we’ll get back to you.
thanks,
-Webmaster
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:08 am
My dad is very much an alchaholic. He’s violent and sad all the time not to mention that he is an idiot. my dad used to worry me a ton- lots of people in my family have drunk themselves to death. I thought, everytime I got a call at school, that that was the call saying it had finnally happened. Then I realized that it would take time for my dad to die because he only drank beer usually. two years ago my dad started to get better. one and a half years ago my dad started to get worse. He started haveing his worse friends around and getting involved with drugs. I am thirteen now and I live with him part time. he had his worst friend who is a drunk that brings dad vodka and worse drinks as well as drugs like meth comming arouind more and more untill he moved back in. He and dad were at there worse. I toled dad that he was getting worse and that they were idiots. I said it in front of his friend. His friend started to threaten me. I didn’t believe him untill one day they took me out in his car (dad can’t drive because he is a drunk) and we were in the middle of nowhere in winter and dad had the cell phone. Dad was so drunk that it didn’t matter what happened. He was reduced to a pissy four year old. They took me to a house iI had never seen in the middle of a farm area. It was total trash and the power seemed to be off. Dad disappeared for a while and left me alone with the strange man. My skin was crawling like crazy. he toled me that he would have sex with me and I would like it. My dad walked in then. He hadn’t heard anything but it still saved me.
Top fifty scaryest moments of my life and I have only shared it with one person.
I wrote it down one day after school becasue I couldn’t say it. I was in the back room at my grand parents house and after my best friend read the note I crumbled it up and hid it an a hole under the floor by the vent. A month ago my grandma found it but didn’t read it. i had to make sure no one did so I put it in the sink and ran water. I don’t know why but it stuck together and became an ink ball. I carry it around to rewmember that I got through that.
That night is a memory I don’t need to remember and that note is one I’ll never forget.
January 22nd, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Sally, I can see where you are coming from, you know what? I’m in highschool right now and my dad has been an alcoholic for over 15 years. Ever since the day I found out, I can’t bring friends home. My 13th birthday, my dad forgot it. It was my biggest birthday yet, and he completely forgot it. I was still in 8th grade obviously, and he wasn’t living with us at the time - my parents were separated at the time - but he called to see how my dance was the night before. When he called me, that day, May 17, he dind’t even mention a happy birthday, and I was so upset. He wasn’t that bad. But now he is, and on my 8th grade graduation day…he was drunk. He was sweating, couldn’t talk slurirng his words, and that was infront of my whole school. How’d this happen? He told us he was going to get gas because we were supposed to go out to dinner, we said fine and let him go. I’m walking to get my diploma and he wasn’t there..I didn’t know what was up? So, after he was in the car got out and fell. He fell. Infront of everyone. It was so embarassing.
I can honestly say I know where your coming from. I’m sorry you had to experience that.